I’m not against Christmas!

Does anyone know any radio station which is free from Christmas songs and carols? I’ve tried very hard to find one, but I ended up with the special Christmas Radio Station where only Christmas songs are played.

Does anyone know any shop where seasonal Christmas stuff doesn’t take the main place in the store? When I went to an Indian supermarket last time, even there I found the special Christmas offers. These were for spices and chapaties, but the offers were called Christmas Offers anyway!!!

Does anyone still follow their routine despite of the Christmas run-up? This morning I observed that a lot of my fitness classes mates have no time to go to the gym as they normally do just because they practise their kick boxing whilst doing their Christmas shopping.

Does anyone is able to say that is not affected by the festive season and doesn’t join the Christmas rush and the Christmas insanity? I am worried that no one is able to say this.

Last weekend I had no time to read books or go to a theatre just because of Christmas. I needed to join two Christmas parties organised by our employers, make or buy the presents for friends and family as well as pack them. I needed to write Christmas greetings and post them as well as to bake some warming-up Christmas cakes to make Christmas time even more Christmassy. Did I really need to do these?

What’s the point of doing all of these?  The only one reason is to show my loved ones that I love them. Christmas is a good time to do so but every ordinary day is even better. 

The only one thing I need to remember of, is to make every common day extraordinary by making and giving presents without any reason, by meeting each other in order to enjoy being together, by baking together and having fun with forming the half moon shaped cookies – just because I LOVE YOU!

I’m not against Christmas; I just wish we created “the excitement of the Christmas morning” every day! 

You have sealed away the past...

A deep red and warm interior of the Y Theatre, round tables covered by soft and red table cloths, smiling people sitting around each table on old theatrical chairs, lights focused on the stage and… action. 

Nine men on the stage, with their histories enchanted in words filled the space. Nine poems made from feelings and experiences filled minds. Nine short, black and white films helped to see the poems in colours. Nine separated performances created a whole show… and this was the first part of that night.

The performers deeply touched me again, the first time they did it was a couple of months ago when they had their first launch during the “Everybody’s Reading” festival. After that event a lot changed in my way of discovering and exploring the World. I hardly understand why it happened, but the poems from their anthology tilted “The poems to read before u die” definitely makes me more alive every time I read them. The poems have made me more alive at all, even if they are about illnesses, problems, fears, hopes… or maybe because of these?

You have sealed away the past,
my memories are all of the last month… [Jo Twist]

Thou shalt not kill!

It was a Friday evening, a lovely time to chill out, relax and just be happy. With a glass of wine in my hand I logged in to Facebook to check the new messages which I received that day. A couple of them were with regards to some events which I would have liked to take part in, while the other were chats with my friends. I didn’t expect anything terrible to be seen on Facebook that evening but unfortunately I was wrong.

The first thing which I saw when logged in was a high resolution picture published on the wall by one of my friends. It was raw meat with raw egg garnished with fresh chopped onion which is a very typical dish in Poland called “tatar”. I know that publishing dishes on Facebook is very common and I do this myself when I try out the new Indian dish or a delicious homemade cake I baked. I believe that for many of my friends these kinds of pictures posted by me are boring but I believe that the images do not offend anyone.

This particular picture, of the fresh “tatar”, I found very offensive to me as well as to other vegetarians and vegans. I wrote to my friend to emphasize to him that as he doesn’t publish the pictures of dead and massacred people so why does he do that to butchered animals. My request was ignored so I wrote to Facebook to report this cruelty but they replied that this image is just a standard picture of the food which is not forbidden to be posted on Facebook so they are unable to help me.

Who is able to help me then? Who is able to stop this disgusting practice? I will fight with this, so are you on my side? Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people, can transform the world. How about going to the basis: Thou shalt not kill!

People are afraid to merge in Los Angeles

“I realize that money doesn't matter. That all that does is that I want to see the worst”. This sentence, from the book “Less than zero” by Bret Easton Ellis, describes this story accurately. I sat on my cosy sofa, read this book and I felt more and more awful and terrible page by page. I would have liked to stop reading, forget the story, think about something nice and beautiful but my mind was deeply focused on the need to see the worst. Therefore I saw the worst.

I read about loneliness, muffled cry, soundless scream and getting lost. Whilst reading this book I experienced “longing for more”, without the knowledge of the particular thing which was looked for. I saw solitude in the crowd as well as sadness filled with laugh, music and parties. Finally I met the undefined fear dressed as the excitement and perverse.

The book shows the story of teenagers who ask the questions of life but don’t know how and where to find the proper answers. They do not respect their parents or teachers as nobody listens to them or tries to understand their dilemmas and fears. They have no one to talk to, so they deal with all their problems by using drugs and treating the perverse sex as an easy way to have fun or money.

- 'It's what?' - Rip wants to know.

- 'It's... I don't think it's right'

- 'What is right? If you want something, you have the right to take it. If you want to do something, you have the right to do it.' (...)

- 'But you don't need anything. You have everything' - I tell him.

Rip looks at me. 'No. I don't'

- What?'

- 'No. I don't'

There's a pause and then I ask, 'Oh, shit, Rip, what don't you have?'

- 'I don't have anything to lose'

Unfortunately they waste a lot. They lose everything. They shed their opportunities, dreams, plans, youth, relationships, confidence, self-esteem and dignity. Therefore they start to believe that they are less than zero.

This book disturbed me because of its contests regarding hopelessness, sadness and the reality it displayed. It made me excited as the plot is remarkable. I felt the pain whilst having read it and this was exactly what I should have felt. 

“I don't close my eyes. You can disappear here without knowing it.” I disappeared for a couple of hours just to finish reading this book and this opened my eyes.

I’m not wordless anymore!

I again deeply fell in love with you. Which time was it? I’m unable to count this as you turned me on thousands of times. Sometimes I think that you have fun playing with me this way, driving me completely craYzy and leaving me filled with you.

Yesterday you did it again. You perked me up and I felt as a patient recovering after a long and terrible illness. Please, just think outside the box and try to imagine how amazing this feeling was for me. It was like dancing in the warm summer rain. It was like lying in a soft bed in a cosy room and looking at a fire dancing in a fireplace while winter is outside. It was like flying very high even without the wings. I had the wings yesterday, and what is more they reminded themselves how to fly.

Yesterday I came out of my shell and spread my comfort zone, taking another step forward and promising myself that I will never let myself go backwards. Yesterday I pricked up my ears and I was open to everything you decided to give me, so I received a lot. You filled me making my sensitive interior meaningful. You helped me accept that I’m not perfect and I never will be, but I’m good enough.

I fell in love with you, sitting on an uncomfortable stool in a chilly but nice bar. The rain outside played some music quietly on the sills. The candles' light made the room homelike. I was tired after mixing different words in English, Polish and Spanish in my head all day. Because of this I was a little lost sometimes, but I tried very hard to focus on the extraordinary people around, who made you shine. 

And you shined! And again I fell deeply in love with your words, your music, your sounds... with you – POETRY.

Don't be so poetic!

During our Sunday breakfast my husband asked me: “What are you looking at?”

I was looking through the window. It was a bright sunny morning, not so common in the UK. The sun was shining after two days of the dreary rain. There was no haze, no dust, no patches of fog. The weather was perfect, apart from one detail – strong gusts of winter wind.

“I’m looking at the wind” – I answered. Trees bowed down before this wind like before the king. The wind jerked them, as they had done something unforgivable, and so they lost their last yellow leaves. It was a scary battle outside between the element and Saturday night’s remains. The air was bombed by plastic bags, glass bottles, tins, paper cups and take away boxes. This view made me sad and disgusted. 

“You are unable to see the wind” – my husband said and after a couple of seconds he added ironically: “You are just looking at the trees outside. Don't be so poetic!” 

So I stopped being so poetic. We finished our breakfast in silence, sipping our coffees and smiling at each other. When he set off to fulfill his duties in his air club I washed dishes, put on my shoes and went out for a walk. In my head I kept hearing his amused voice: “You are unable to see the wind”. I couldn’t believe that it was said by the person who deals with the wind every time he flies as a pilot or every time he sails as a steersman. I reminded myself the time when he taught me how to recognize the wind’s directions. It was ten or maybe twelve years ago when we sailed together the first time for me. He showed me the waves on the lake, he asked me to close my eyes and feel the wind on my face, he taught me how to use the wind to lead a boat and achieve a target. That time I realized that the wind is not only touchable and visible but also colourful. 

From that time I observe that the wind has different colours every day. It depends on the weather, time of the day and other circumstances. Sometimes it is grey or green, sometimes white close to colourless but still visible. A couple of days ago it was red as blood in the morning and dark crimson in the afternoon. This morning it was yellow, not bright yellow despite the fact that the sun was shining so beautifully, but rather sand yellow, a little bit dirty and not uniform.

“Have you ever seen the blue wind?” – I asked aloud.

“No, never” – the voice answered.

“Neither have I” - I said with sureness that this will happen one day.

A warning from a good boy...

The first book written by Mario Vargas Llosa which I read was “The bad girl”. I was so interested in the plot of this novel that I missed my bus stop when I was reading this book in the bus. This novel means more than just a story for me. It touched me deeply and completely changed my point of view regarding the life, relationship, love and human being. 

“The Bad Girl” is a story about Ricardo from Peru who falls in love with a beautiful girl called Lily, who claims to be from Chile. From the very beginning Lily is described as being a liar so we can’t trust a single word she is saying. On one hand she is delicate, lovely, romantic and charming but on the other hand we can easily notice that she is insolent and dishonest. She uses Ricardo to achieve her goals and after that she disappears, leaving him completely distraught. 

Despite the fact that Ricardo knows that Lily is a vile, horrible and atrocious person he still loves her. He spends the rest of his life waiting for her. She comes back a couple of times, always pretending to be someone else, but her inhuman character shows that it has to be Lily without question. Ricardo abhors this and he feels sadness and anger, however he is ready to do anything she wants him to do, even sacrifice his life. His life choice is to be a victim of her ambitions, selfishness and ruthlessness.

The time flies, the places of this story are changed, the political and social background of the novel shows that for many nations the years described in this book are difficult and significant, but all of Ricardo’s choices are determined only by his first and only love.

This story is painful but it has to be exactly as it is to highlight that our behavior is powerful. To be a human is powerful, especially when being human means being inhuman. 

Even bad boys with bad dreams should be careful when meeting the bad girl....