People are afraid to merge in Los Angeles

“I realize that money doesn't matter. That all that does is that I want to see the worst”. This sentence, from the book “Less than zero” by Bret Easton Ellis, describes this story accurately. I sat on my cosy sofa, read this book and I felt more and more awful and terrible page by page. I would have liked to stop reading, forget the story, think about something nice and beautiful but my mind was deeply focused on the need to see the worst. Therefore I saw the worst.

I read about loneliness, muffled cry, soundless scream and getting lost. Whilst reading this book I experienced “longing for more”, without the knowledge of the particular thing which was looked for. I saw solitude in the crowd as well as sadness filled with laugh, music and parties. Finally I met the undefined fear dressed as the excitement and perverse.

The book shows the story of teenagers who ask the questions of life but don’t know how and where to find the proper answers. They do not respect their parents or teachers as nobody listens to them or tries to understand their dilemmas and fears. They have no one to talk to, so they deal with all their problems by using drugs and treating the perverse sex as an easy way to have fun or money.

- 'It's what?' - Rip wants to know.

- 'It's... I don't think it's right'

- 'What is right? If you want something, you have the right to take it. If you want to do something, you have the right to do it.' (...)

- 'But you don't need anything. You have everything' - I tell him.

Rip looks at me. 'No. I don't'

- What?'

- 'No. I don't'

There's a pause and then I ask, 'Oh, shit, Rip, what don't you have?'

- 'I don't have anything to lose'

Unfortunately they waste a lot. They lose everything. They shed their opportunities, dreams, plans, youth, relationships, confidence, self-esteem and dignity. Therefore they start to believe that they are less than zero.

This book disturbed me because of its contests regarding hopelessness, sadness and the reality it displayed. It made me excited as the plot is remarkable. I felt the pain whilst having read it and this was exactly what I should have felt. 

“I don't close my eyes. You can disappear here without knowing it.” I disappeared for a couple of hours just to finish reading this book and this opened my eyes.